Many Thoughts
by Imaginative Singer
Summary: *COMPLETE* A perspective on the love triangle that is Kagome, Inu Yasha, and Kikyo. What the HECK are they THINKING????
1. Kagome

Kagome  
  
So, I am new to the Inu Yasha fanfiction thing, but I'm hoping this will be an entrance with a bang. If you're reading this, be aware that I am referring to events that occur in the manga, not necessarily in the anime. Also, be aware that the events I am referring to occur in volume 32 of the manga. I know in the states it is only translated to volume 13 at this time. If you do not want spoilers, do NOT read this. If you want to get caught up, you can go to It is a WONDERFUL website that translates the episodes as Rumiko writes them for Shonen Sunday!! {worships the ground the translator walks upon}  
  
This will be a three part series. I'm basically keeping true to the manga, up to the point this story takes place, from then on, I'm letting my imagination have fun.  
  
Ok, here we go: I do not own Inu Yasha, I do not own Kagome, I definitely do not own Kikyo, nor would I WANT to. Ok, I don't hate her . but, come on, anyone can tell where the story's going!!!  
  
Many Thoughts  
  
Chapter 1  
  
'God, I am such an idiot. I can't do anything right.' Kagome sat on a rock and clung to her legs. It somehow felt safer to be curled up into a little ball. Like she was hiding from the world, hiding from the reality of what she had done.  
  
'Why didn't I just ... just ... what? Let her die? Sure Kagome, you could do that and live with yourself.' Her fingernails dug into her legs in the hopes that physical pain might somehow dim the emotional assault she was waging on herself.  
  
It would have been so easy. All she'd had to do was walk away. No one would have blamed her. No one would have looked at her accusingly. No one would have even known probably. Except...  
  
'Except me and her.' That was the sticking point. That's what it all came down to. She couldn't do it. It wasn't in her to leave someone suffering. No matter who that person was, or what it might mean to her future. No matter what it might mean to her heart. She was different. She couldn't let anyone suffer, couldn't let anyone die if she could prevent it. It didn't matter who they were. It didn't matter what it meant to her. The only deaths she felt were tolerable were those of the demons who attacked them.  
  
Especially Naraku. The longer Naraku lived, the more innocent lives were lost. The sooner he was gone, the better in Kagome's mind. And yet ... 'She gave him the shikon shards. Why? Doesn't she realize by giving him that power ... how many more innocents would die? What is she thinking? How could she do it?'  
  
She pressed her forehead tighter into her knees, hoping that maybe she could push out the headache that had decided to join the fun going on in her head.  
  
Kagome laughed softly to herself, 'She would have left me there. I know she would have. She would have left me there to die slowly, painfully. She would have left me there so Inu Yasha would ... forget ...' A sob stuck in her throat. 'Forget what? I mean, it's not like I'm in her way. He loves her. Yeah, we're close ... but ... I know it's her. Every time I ask about her, every time he sees her, he evades me. I never get a straight answer. That's answer enough I guess.'  
  
Kagome groaned and tried to bury herself deeper in her ball of self-pity. 'Why would he even want to be around me after what I said to him? God . I can't believe I lashed out at him like that. It wasn't fair to him.'  
  
Kagome laughed self-depreciatingly. 'Well, it's not as if he didn't have it coming. I mean .'  
  
She sighed softly. 'What am I saying? He didn't deserve to be yelled at, didn't deserve me screaming that I hated him . especially when it's the farthest thing from the truth.'  
  
The breeze toyed with her hair as she sat, feeling the warmth of the setting sun on her back. Any other day, she would have been watching the sunset with delight, but today . all she wanted to do was sink into a hole. 'Course, I'm probably one of the few people in either world that can actually do that.' She laughed to herself shaking her head. Then, she shrank into herself again. 'This'd probably be one of the few times Inu Yasha wouldn't give me a hard time about leaving. He might even be glad to see me go .' Kagome clenched her eyes shut tightly trying to stop the tears from falling again. 'Why? Why did it have to be him? Why couldn't I .' She took a deep breath, it was still hard for her to admit it, even to herself. 'Why couldn't I fall in love with someone who wasn't already attached? No, that's not fair. It wasn't his fault she was resurrected. What happened 50 years ago wasn't his fault.  
  
Kagome turned her head to the side to watch the setting sun and shivered slightly as the sun sank below the horizon. 'I can't change how I feel about him, but I also can't make him choose me, choose life. He has to choose for himself, and with each of his encounters with her, I feel like he slips away a little further, distances himself a little more. It takes me a little longer to get things right between us again. And then he confuses me again. He says he'll stay with me, but I know . I know the moment she calls, he'll go. He just doesn't see . Doesn't see her entrance him in an attempt to drag him down to hell. He doesn't see her entrance him in an attempt to drag him down to hell. He doesn't see the insanity of her giving Naraku the jewel, costing more innocent lives. Just . doesn't see! He refuses to accept the truth! Which is . what? That she's evil? She can't be, she's a miko. She died for him all those years ago. I have to believe she really does love him, or at least did.'  
  
She wrapped her arms around herself a little tighter and buried her face back into her knees, 'I just wish I understood what she wanted. If I knew she wanted Inu Yasha's happiness then . then I could be happy for him if he chose her. All I want is him to be happy. He's been alone so long, he deserves to be happy. To be free of his own personal demons that haunt him. If that means he chooses her then, that's what needs to be. If anyone deserves to be happy, it's him. I want that for him so much. I'd give my life for that.' Kagome blinked at that. Then, thought about it.  
  
She smiled sadly, 'Yeah, I would. I'd give my life for his happiness. I'd give up my world, my family if it would make him happy. Guess that's what love is. No wonder so many people are afraid of it. It isn't the most fun experience, is it?'  
  
Kagome unconsciously shivered again as the night air turned cool, then blinked as something warm was draped over her shoulders. She looked up. Inu Yasha was sitting a few feet away, in just his white undershirt, watching her cautiously. She smiled and pulled the fire rat cloak tighter around her.  
  
He peered up at her. "Are you still mad?"  
  
Kagome blinked again and smiled a little. "No. I'm not mad."  
  
Inu Yasha approached her. "Then, take it back!"  
  
Kagome tilted her head and tried not to smile at him. He looked so cute. He was stalking her slowly, almost unsure in his movements. His ears were tilted slightly down and his eyes . she turned her head so she didn't get lost in them. Those gold eyes tended to pull her in and with her emotions the way they were right now, she couldn't risk getting lost and saying something she'd regret. "Take what back?"  
  
Inu Yasha looked like he was going to explode. "You said you hated me!"  
  
Kagome just smiled at the stars. "Did I?"  
  
Inu Yasha growled. "Yes! So . take it back!"  
  
Kagome continued to smile at the stars and whispered softly, "Sit."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ So, what'd ya think? R&R !!! Let me know!  
  
E-mail: Soulsearcher_1219@hotmail.com 


	2. Inu Yasha

Okay, here's chapter 2 of the three part series. I'll have chapter three up pretty quick! Promise! Let me know what you think! I love to hear from people!!! Thanks to all who have responded so far!!! ^^_v  
  
Many Thoughts  
  
Chapter 2: Inu Yasha  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Feh."  
  
Miroku raised an eyebrow and glanced at Sango. Sango stifled a giggle and busied herself with putting more logs on the campfire.  
  
Shippo appeared over Inu Yasha's head and pulled on her ears, "You should go apologize to Kagome!"  
  
Inu Yasha growled and batted the little kitsune from his head. "Me!? She's the one who yelled! I didn't do nothin'!"  
  
Miroku sat in front of the fire watching their dinner. Without looking up, he calmly replied, "I believe he is referring to your recent behavior concerning Kikyo."  
  
Inu Yasha growled louder, "What are you talking about?!?"  
  
"Just how it seems you always run off and abandon Kagome to chase after a dead girl." Miroku continued to calmly stir their dinner, not looking toward the now very pissed hanyou.  
  
"I don't abandon Kagome!"  
  
The monk merely smiled and shrugged, "Very well, you do not abandon her."  
  
Inu Yasha clenched his hands and felt his claws digging into his palms. "I don't have to stay and listen to this." He quickly suited action to words and bounded off into the growing shadows.  
  
He came to a stop at the edge of the clearing where the event which was the cause of the argument had occurred and blinked, 'How did I end up here?'  
  
His eyes swept the clearing and came to rest on the girl sitting on a rock oblivious to everything around her. He watched her shoulders shudder, with tears or cold he couldn't tell. He leaned back against the trunk of the tree he was in and tried to force his muscles to relax a little. 'What are they talking about? I may go after Kikyo once in a while, but I always come back. And besides, I'm responsible for her being here. I . I couldn't protect her then, I couldn't protect her remains, and if I hadn't said her name that day in the cave . If I had just stayed quiet, Kagome's soul wouldn't have been ripped from her and Kikyo wouldn't have been brought back. Kikyo would still be resting in peace. It's my fault. My responsibility.'  
  
His half-lidded eyes still rested on the girl, even as his chaotic thoughts moved through his head. 'Kagome . Kikyo . It's so weird. One is supposed to be the others reincarnation and yet . they're so different. Even in life Kikyo was different from Kagome. I see how much it hurts Kagome to kill anything and anyone, even the demons we fight. She struggles so hard to save every soul she can. She loves everyone unconditionally. Even Kikyo . she knows and yet, Kagome helped save Kikyo. Why? I . she saved Kikyo. In spite of everything.  
  
Kikyo, she loved yes, but . there was always a closed off feel to it. A distant feeling. When she was with me, I had someone who cared for me, but somehow, I still felt alone. I was so young I didn't understand the difference, so eager and happy to have someone care about me again.' Inu Yasha blinked, 'I don't remember ever laughing with Kikyo. We smiled, we talked, but .'  
  
'Kagome is so open with her feelings, her smile . her . laughter . it's like being bathed in sunlight when she laughs. She's filled with joy. It just overflows onto everything. Kikyo was so serene and calm. She made you feel at peace. So different.' Inu Yasha smiled, 'Kagome is such a fighter. She doesn't stand down no matter the danger. I can't count the number of times she's come back even after I've told her to get away to somewhere safe. If she thinks I deserve it, she'll scream at me no matter where we are. She gets that spark in her eye and her face flushes and .' Inu Yasha growled low, 'Knock it off boy-o. You're getting thoughts in your head you have no business having. You need to see Kikyo rest in peace. It's the least you can do for her. Kagome is strong, she's a survivor.'  
  
He watched as the girl shifted on the rock below. He didn't miss a thing, not a breath, not a movement, he watched the breeze play with her black hair and his expression softened. 'Kagome, how do you do this to me? There are times when I just want to forget everything, forget Kikyo, forget the shards. And .' he took a deep breath, 'that terrifies me. I feel like if I don't push myself, if I don't force myself to look for the shards, to go with Kikyo when she's near, I'll forget. If I don't yell at you or argue with you or . I'll just throw it all away and drag you off somewhere and never let you leave me. Make sure you never want to leave me.' His claws bit into the bark of the tree, 'I can't say what I want to say to you, can't make promises I don't know if I'll be able to keep. I won't do that to you.' Inu Yasha laughed bitterly. 'It's so ironic. I finally feel like I have a future and yet, I can't take that future and make something with it.'  
  
A movement caught his eye; the girl below him was hugging her legs and shivering slightly in the cold. Inu Yasha growled, she needs to wear more clothing. He watched as she shivered again, "Kagome ."  
  
Inu Yasha leapt out of the tree and quietly approached her; he gently tossed his fire rat cloak over her shoulders then moved and sat down in front of her rock, watching her cautiously. 'Is she still mad? I . was it really me? Does she hate me?' Inu Yasha shifted uncomfortably as he felt something uncomfortably tight in his chest.  
  
His thoughts stopped as Kagome's eyes lifted and gazed right into his. Her eyes were shimmering with tears and he could read the pain and hurt hidden in their depths. He licked his lips nervously and peered up at her. "Are you still mad?"  
  
Kagome blinked at him and gave him a small smile. 'I like her full smiles better, but that's a good sign . I hope.'  
  
Kagome shook her head, "No. I'm not mad."  
  
Relief and a curious joy flooded Inu Yasha and the emotions pushed him toward her, "Then, take it back!"  
  
He watched as Kagome tilted her head at him and he could see she was fighting off a smile, he crept toward her, drawn to her, 'She looks so cute.' She turned away from him then and he almost growled at not being able to see her eyes. If it wasn't for his hearing he would never have heard her whisper, "Take what back?"  
  
Inu Yasha's eyes went wide and his fingers clenched the ground, "You said you hated me!"  
  
Kagome looked up and smiled at the stars. Inu Yasha almost forgot why he was angry; she looked so beautiful with the moon shining down on her and starlight reflecting in her eyes. She whispered to the stars, "Did I?"  
  
Inu Yasha growled, shaking himself out of his admiration of her, "Yes! So . take it back!"  
  
For a moment he didn't think she was going to answer him, she just kept looking up into the sky, he took a step toward her his hand outstretched to touch her. He didn't know what he'd do once he got to her but .  
  
"Sit."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
So, let me know what you think! 3rd and final chapter will be up soon!  
  
E-mail: Soulsearcher_1219@hotmail.com 


	3. Kikyo

Okay, here it is, the final chapter of this arc. I don't feel Kikyo is really all that evil, but I think her motivations are not all that honest. Especially now. Please! R&R!!!  
  
Many Thoughts  
  
Chapter 3: Kikyo ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Kikyo gently touched the spot where Kagome had healed her. 'It's still warm.'  
  
One of Kikyo's gliders slid past her. She reached out and touched the soul. The glow faded as she absorbed the soul into her body.  
  
'That girl, she is a fool. She is so willing to sacrifice anything to make others happy, even her own happiness.' Kikyo smiled down at her reflection in a small stream. 'That's one of the reasons I love this new body. I can do what I wish, feel what I wish and it doesn't matter who is hurt. When I was a priestess all I could do was worry for others. That's why Inu Yasha was so important. If I could convince him to turn human, to be my companion, the shikon jewel would disappear and I could be a normal woman. He understood my loneliness and I enjoyed spending time with him. Was that too much to ask? To have someone I could share with and be an ordinary woman with?'  
  
Kikyo gazed up at the stars and touched the warm spot in her chest again, 'That girl. She loves him. It's so obvious. And he . he has softened so much. His face is gentler, his eyes . he conceals less. He's more open with his thoughts and feelings and it's because of that girl. Is that what I would have done eventually? Would that have been my job? Nay, I doubt I could have done what she has accomplished. Inu Yasha cared for me, but I do not think what we shared would have done what she has done. That first time, when I tried to take him with me to hell . it was that girl who was able to break the enchantment I had over him. His thoughts of her always free him. They are so close and yet, he still comes chasing after me.'  
  
Kikyo laughed, a cold sound echoing into the night, 'Inu Yasha is a fool. He has this girl who loves him unconditionally, loves him in spite of his being a half-breed. And yet he betrays her time and again to come after me. And the laughable part of it all is that he loves her as well.'  
  
Kikyo bent down and kneeled at the streams edge, trailing her fingers in the cool water, 'After I have destroyed Naraku, I will take Inu Yasha with me. He and I will be together. And perhaps I will benefit from all this girl has accomplished.  
  
I wonder if I ever really loved him. We never did say the words to each other, and yet . our feelings were strong. But no, I would not have done what this girl has done time and again. Perhaps what can be said is, yes, we loved each other, but as good friends, companions. That is more than many can say who spend their lives together. I felt that would be enough. Love seemed an intangible thing, unattainable for one like me. Perhaps we both felt love was a weakness. It is no wonder he flees from her.'  
  
Kikyo smiled sadly, 'It is no wonder she is Naraku's greatest fear . and mine. Every time the girl gets involved in a fight, Inu Yasha's strength increases ten-fold. And her untrained miko powers .'  
  
Kikyo stood from the waters edge and began to walk deeper into the darkness of the forest, 'It is almost funny really. He considers love a weakness and yet, she is and would be his greatest strength.'  
  
Kikyo's hand reached up again to her chest, 'This girl . I must be careful, must guard against her. I will see if I can drive a bigger wedge between them, to protect myself.'  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I know it's shorter than the other two, but I felt that was the right length for it! Let me know what you think!  
  
E-mail: Soulsearcher_1219@hotmail.com 


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